Practical truth for girlfriends and wives
I had been on several dates with my good friend, Scott (name changed), and it seemed promising that we were moving towards a dating relationship. Scott worked with the Christian music group, NewSong, as a Road Pastor. This particular time Scott had been on the road with NewSong for eight days—EIGHT DAYS! If you’ve ever been the one left behind, you know what that means: I had WAY too much time alone with my own thoughts and daydreams. This was NOT a good scenario for me!
The first time I heard from Scott was on Day 8, but unfortunately, I missed his call. He left a message letting me know he had the night off and would call back. It was unusual for him to have a night off while on the road. He usually worked long hours late into the night and rarely had a moment alone. This was right before texting became a norm, which means he had to make an ACTUAL phone call to get in touch with me. Crazy, right?!
He called just like he said he would! Joy and excitement filled his voice as he gushed about the after-concert gathering the night before when the church’s fellowship hall was packed with people who accepted Christ and rededicated their lives to Him! Scott had the privilege of leading this incredible gathering, AND he prayed with several people who accepted Christ!
After he shared the highlights of this mountaintop experience, I responded with some anger-infused comment about how he needed to call me more. After all, if we were going to have the fairy-tale love story I was dreaming of, then we needed to talk more often!
Complete silence.
Then, Scott gently responded, “I feel like I just got chewed out, and I’m not sure why.”
His words, though gently spoken, jolted me from dreamland to the sobering realization that I might be out of line. With a humbler tone, I acknowledged, “I think I need some time to think through what I’m feeling, and it would probably be best to talk at a later time.”
Immediately after getting off the phone, I started a conversation with God, asking Him to help me process my words and feelings. I had been a Christian only a few years, but the Holy Spirit brought this Bible verse to mind: “And {Jesus} said to them, ‘Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation” (Mark 16:15).
This is the calling God has placed on the lives of all of His people. It’s my calling. It’s Scott’s calling, yet that night, I didn’t encourage him in his calling. I didn’t celebrate the wonderful way God was using him to share the gospel with others. Conviction stung my heart, and I asked God to forgive me.
That night I realized there are two types of women in dating and marriage relationships:
- The woman whose presence in a man’s life helps him grow in God.
- The woman whose presence in a man’s life is a hindrance to him growing in God.
Reflection:
*Whether you are dating or married, which woman are you?
*Which woman do you want to be in your relationship with a man?
How do you become the #1 Woman?
1—If you are married, God has given you an active role.
The husband and wife are not passive onlookers, but active participants and intimate partners in glorifying God and sharing the Good News of Christ. “For we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:30-32).
Husband and wife can only fulfill God’s Vision for marriage if they are actively seeking, following, worshipping, and growing in relationship with Christ, both individually and together.
Husband and wife:
Glorify God. Leave father and mother. Become one flesh. Steward creation. Build a family. Love their neighbor. Go into the world, and preach the Good News. Exemplify Christ’s loving relationship with His Church together.
2—If you are not married, God has given you an active role.
An unmarried woman, whether dating or not:
Glorifies God. Seeks and worships Jesus. Loves her neighbor. Goes into the world, and preaches the Good News.
Though dating is not found in the Bible, it’s a means to an end. Dating helps a woman get to know a man and discern if he would make a compatible partner in carrying out God’s marital vision. In dating, the woman continues to actively seek and follow Jesus on the path He has set before her. The man does the same. They learn about each other as they walk along. If they are meant to marry, then further down the path, they will find that Jesus has kept their paths together.
3—You belong to Jesus.
If you believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you belong to Jesus above all others and are forever loved! Whether you’re married or not married, you belong to Jesus first. Jesus is your First Love and Ultimate Leader, who loved you so deeply He died for you.
You can have perfect expectations of Jesus because He is absolutely perfect for you! Jesus is the only One who can meet the deepest longings of your heart with love that never fails. He knows exactly how to encourage you, comfort you, and lead you because He knows you inside-out!
When your heart is captured by Jesus’ love, you don’t need to pursue a man’s love to fill your heart.
When your heart is made full by Jesus’ love, you don’t need to earn a man’s love.
When your heart is compelled by Jesus’ love, your greatest desire for a boyfriend or husband is for him to grow closer to the One who is perfect for him!
4—The man belongs to Jesus.
Remember who the man is:
- A beloved child of God.
- God’s image bearer.
- Heir of God, Co-heir with Christ: “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:17).
- Your brother in Christ
- Imperfect human being who needs Jesus.
How the story ended:
I’ve learned that a good writer always finishes a story, so here you go! I’ve shared with you that I felt terribly convicted that Scott was carrying out the calling of sharing the gospel, and my selfishness and loneliness hindered me from celebrating God and saved souls. It sounds really awful when I phrase it that way, doesn’t it?
That night I realized this:
- Scott belonged to God, not to me.
- During those eight days, God was most glorified by Scott being with others than with me.
- Through prayer, I had the opportunity to be an active part of what God was doing through Scott.
One day after our conversation, Scott bravely called again. I sincerely apologized, and he graciously forgave me. We enjoyed a few more dates together, and then the Lord took our paths in different directions with our friendship strengthened.
Though my time with Scott was short, God used it to teach me truths more than worth their weight in gold. Scott’s gentle response to my harsh comment gave me space to think, pursue God, and grow spiritually and relationally. The revelations God gave me radically changed how I approached dating, how I treated the men I dated, and shaped me into the wife I am today. God has blessed me with a loving husband and a sweet marriage; Steve and I just celebrated our 16th anniversary!
4—Trust Jesus to lead you.
God knows your future. He knows the answer to the question, “Is this the man I’m meant to marry?” He knows the answer to the question, “Will my husband and I be able to have children?” He knows the answers to the questions you haven’t yet verbalized.
Psalm 139:14-16 says, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
God designed you with powerful purpose, beautiful design, and profound potential. He knows the number of your days and every adventure along the way. He created a path for you to walk with Jesus, a Perfect and Loving Leader you can always trust.
Keep walking with Jesus, and stick with me, too! In the next blog, we’ll walk through 6 more practical applications for becoming the #1 Woman!!!
Heavenly Father,
I praise You for You are All-Knowing, Sovereign, Loving, Trustworthy, Powerful, Light in a dark world.
Thank You for Your active involvement in my life. Thank You for pursuing my heart through Jesus, forgiving my imperfections, and filling my heart with love to overflowing! I’m grateful for the gentleness and faithfulness with which you care for me, encourage me, comfort me, and lead me. I belong to You, and I’m so glad I do!
I have so many questions. Grant me peace to wait for the answers to come in Your perfect timing. I have so many fears. Turn my fears into faith. I have great expectations for my life and relationships. Transform my mind to contemplate my life from Your perspective. Shape my heart to desire and embrace Your Higher Vision. Steady my feet to step in rhythm with Jesus. Embolden me to share your love, light, and gospel wherever you call me to go. In Jesus’ Trustworthy Name, Amen.
Tap here to read Part 2 of Becoming A Woman Who Helps a Man Grow in God.
*Verses are ESV.
