When you think about dating, setting goals probably isn’t the first thought that comes to mind! Or the second. And probably not the third! Adopting goals for dating is definitely something you should consider. When a dating decision, drama, or dilemma pops up, a goal will remind you of your purpose in dating, help you see beyond the uncertainty and chaos of dating, and point you in the right direction.
What is a goal?
The Merriam Webster dictionary defines a goal as “the end toward which effort is directed.”1 We can think of a goal as a destination.
A goal for dating summarizes where you want to end up after investing your time, heart, and energy into dating.
To what end do you date?
My answer to the question, “To what end do you date?” changed radically from the time I began dating at 16 to when I turned 25. Sixteen-year-old me would say:
- Dating is the thing you do after you turn 16.
- Dating will eventually lead to marriage (hopefully sooner than later)!
- I need a date for Homecoming!
Twenty-year-old me, who was a brand new Christian, would say:
- To glorify God.
- To find a godly husband and have a marriage that glorifies God.
- To experience marriage.
- I don’t want to be single all of my life.
Without Christ, we only have self to live for. With Christ, we have so much more to live for than self!
Your turn!
- To what end do you date?
.
Twenty-five-year-old me landed in a disastrous dating relationship and realized I wasn’t exactly clear on how to glorify God in dating! I began asking this question: “What does Jesus have to do with dating?” Maybe you’ve questioned this, too.
The answer I discovered was a game changer. It eventually led me to 3 goals for dating that not only helped me stay focused on glorifying God in dating but were also a catalyst for transforming my life! These 3 goals will help you walk the purpose-filled path Jesus trailblazed for you with love!
Dating Goal #1—To glorify God.
Created as His image-bearers, every person’s purpose is to glorify God. In everything we do, from the simplest activities to the most complicated, God has made us to glorify Him. “So God created mankind n his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).
When we follow God’s commands, we glorify Him. Jesus clarified the greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-40). The guys you date fall under the category of “your neighbor.” Your relationship with God is more important than your relationship with any guy you date. You should first aim for Him (with the capital H!)!
Let’s pause on this goal a minute more.
In order to glorify God, your view of success may need to change.
We’re used to the world’s standard of success where a person proves her worth and is elevated in some way—with popularity, money, awards, or fame. Success in God’s eyes is a person who finds her worth in Him and faithfully follows Him. Godly faithfulness is rooted in surrender to Jesus.
Godly success was perfectly exemplified by Jesus, who faithfully carried out His Father’s will. Jesus stated: “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me” (John 6:38).
Jesus elevated His Father above himself, and you know what the Father did? He honored His Son. “{He} seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come” (Ephesians 1:20-21). When we elevate our Heavenly Father above self, our generous, ever-faithful Father honors us. “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (James 4:10).
Dating Goal #2—To identify when a relationship has been blessed by the Father to grow into a marriage that glorifies Him.
Did you know that God has a Vision for marriage, and Jesus is in the center of the Vision?
I had been a Christian almost five years before I learned the basic details of God’s Marital Vision, and oh girl, it is a beautiful Vision to behold!
Just pages into the Bible, we’re introduced to God’s Vision for marriage: Adam and Eve were designed to “become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). They had the potential to grow into an intimate, spiritually-sewn union of their minds, hearts, and bodies. This one-flesh connection glorifies God—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, who are unified as one forevermore. Marriage reflects the high value God places on unity, His powerful ability to unify what it is different, and His faithfulness.
In the New Testament, in Ephesians 5, Apostle Paul provides a fuller picture of God’s Marital Vision. He uses a surprising analogy: The marriage relationship is like the relationship of Christ to the collective group of His followers, the Church. “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).
To embrace and enjoy God’s Vision for marriage means you and the man you marry must be Christ-followers, each willing to explore the depths of your Savior’s love. Your Savior gave himself—all of His being—to unite you with the Father again.
To embrace and enjoy God’s Vision for marriage means you and the man you marry must be spiritually compatible—willing to surrender yourselves and your marriage to Lord Jesus. Your loving Lord will lead you both forward as one.
Dating Goal #3—Fight for your relationship with God.
This is the goal that’s easy to miss and disastrous to dismiss.
The following stands in our way of glorifying God: Our sin-prone hearts, the sin-prone hearts of others, and satan’s schemes. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).
Proverbs 13:20 advises us, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” In the Bible, fools are considered non-believers. However, when believers move away from God and closer to sin, they are acting in foolish ways like non-believers. According to the Proverb, immersing ourselves in foolishness harms us spiritually and often in other ways.
Here’s an example of how foolishness can harm you in dating. Let’s say you desire to rely on your community of Christian friends and family and only date in a group setting for a period of two months. You came up with that personal boundary in order to protect your relationship with God. The guy who just asked you out on a date doesn’t share the same belief, doesn’t respect your boundary, and pressures you to dismiss your boundary and date his way. You give in to his pressure. Two months later, you and the guy are hanging out together almost every day, you have disconnected from your friends, and you’re no longer having quiet times with God. You’re also seeing red flags in relation to the guy’s character.
In dating, you’ll need to fight for your relationship with God. Fight to make it a priority in your life. Fight for God to be #1 in your heart! Fight for God to always be in the forefront of your mind! Such fighting is rooted in surrender. “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14).
#Goals
If you truly desire to glorify God in dating, in your future marriage, (and in everyday life), then aim for Him first and abide in Him always.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” -John 15:5
Stay close to Jesus. Experience the depth of the your Savior’s love. Experience the certainty, peace, gentleness, and strength of your Lord’s leadership. Stay so close to Jesus that you can’t miss the Father’s will for you. Stay so close to Jesus that you are enlightened, equipped for good works, and empowered by His Holy Spirit.
Prayer
Father God, I praise You, for You are Glorious, Faithful, and Honorable.
Thank You for sending a Savior to transform every part of my being and to transform every part of my life. Thank You for placing Him in leadership over me as my Lord. In Him, I have so much more to live for than self! Because of what Jesus did on the cross, I have a purpose-filled path before me that leads me closer to You!
Father, I surrender my love life to You. Through the power of Your Spirit, keep me close to Jesus and empower me:
- To glorify You in dating.
- To identify when a relationship has been blessed by You to grow into a marriage that glorifies you.
- To fight for my relationship with You.
By Your Word and Your Spirit, enlighten me with deeper understanding of what it means to glorify You individually and in marriage. Faithful Father, shape me into a daughter who is faithful to You and faithful to carry out Your will. May I aim for Jesus first and abide in Him always! In Jesus’ Faithful Name, Amen.
The 3 Dating Goals outline a purpose-filled path to glorify God that was trailblazed with truth. If you’d like to explore the path, take these next steps in God’s Word:
- Dating Goal #1— To glorify God. Study Genesis, chapters 1-2. Learn What it means to be a male image-bearer and female image-bearer.
- Dating Goal #2 — To identify when a relationship has been blessed by the Father to grow into a marriage that glorifies Him. Study Ephesians 5:21-33. Learn about the roles of husband and wife, and the relationship of Christ and His Church.
- Dating Goal #3 — Fight for your relationship with God. Study Proverbs 4:22-24 and Philippians 4:4-9 to learn about guarding your heart.
Another way to explore the path is my new book, LOVE BY DESIGN: The Art of Dating, Loving Well, and Becoming a Godly Woman!
.
.
THANK YOU to my friends, Sebastián Parra and Hellen Diaz, for sharing their beautiful photos!!! Photo Credit: @aldres_fotografo on Instagram
Notes: 1“Goal.” 1. The Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster Inc., https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/goal. Accessed 25 January 2020
*Verses are NIV.
