A Journal of Fears, Faith, and Fellowship
Hi friend! I had the honor of writing this blog for the Women’s Ministry at my church. It’s part of a blog series called the Quarantine Diaries: Peace in the Pandemic, where women of various ages and life stages share honestly about their #StayHome experiences in adjusting routines, fighting fear, renewing hope, and trusting God. I’ve added experiences and thoughts to this blog that were not in the original. Enjoy!
End of March through April
“Go to the grocery store as soon as you can. When the Coronavirus becomes a pandemic, everyone will empty the shelves. I want you to have food.” That took the prize for the most unusual directive I’ve ever heard from a boss! A month later, the World Health Organization declared the Coronavirus a pandemic. As the world unraveled, I had a well-stocked kitchen. (Thanks, Michael!)
On Monday, only five days after the proclamation of a pandemic, I drove to work, the only car on normally crowded roads. Lunch was a similar experience. The drive-thru line at Chick-fil-A consisted of only four cars at noon! My little world looked bizarre. It felt eerie.
In the office, I became obnoxiously aware of how many times I touched door handles, elevator buttons, and the latte option on the coffee maker. I washed my hands countless times. Several colleagues returned from overseas trips, and I wondered if they were exposed to the Coronavirus. I remembered that first responders rent a floor in the building, and it dawned on me how easily the Coronavirus could enter the building. Fear escalated in my heart. I felt tremendous relief when our staff was empowered to work from home.
It took several days to untangle my thoughts about the Coronavirus trial. Though I wasn’t facing significant suffering, I knew suffering could come. After all, the Coronavirus won’t kiss the world goodbye anytime soon.
When I face a trial, I remember Apostle Paul’s heartfelt words and turn his sentiment into my prayer: “I want to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10-11). I’m comforted that there is “fellowship” in the suffering.
The Coronavirus is a unique trial: every person in the world will suffer because of it. Through shared suffering, there is an opportunity for each of us to experience fellowship with Christ AND fellowship with a world of people. As I entered quarantine, my prayer was to enjoy fellowship with Jesus and for Him to show me ways to share in others’ sufferings—to help carry their burdens.
Working quarantine-style has equated to fast-paced, digitally-based projects, new workflows, and lots of Zoom/Webex meetings! I work on the marketing team at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries, also known as RZIM. When our staff was sent home to work, we were also sent away with the sad news that Ravi was beginning treatment for cancer.
During quarantine, I’ve spent a lot more time alone than I ever dreamed! Thankfully, it doesn’t bother me to be alone, but I had REALLY looked forward to my husband, Steve, being around all the time. After 16 years of marriage to a tech guy, you’d think I would have learned by now! Rookie mistake. You see, Steve is part of the crew that brings my church family the worship service and other events live-streamed from the church. That means he is considered an essential employee who is needed to work on-site….a LOT!
As I watched my husband walk into a “sick world” each day, fear gripped my heart. I feared our home wasn’t stable health-wise. Thankfully, the words of a good friend jolted me from a position of fear to a posture of faith. She said, “God is bigger than the Coronavirus. We can’t be ignorant or careless, but we must try to reign in our fears through the lens of the cross. God loves Steve more than you do. God will protect him, should He choose. If Steve gets it, God will be with him.”
She’s right. God loves Steve most. “We love because God first loved us” (1 John 4:19). God is carrying out His Big Story, even as the world unravels.
My friend’s words helped me see the Christ-focused storyline: God sends Steve into the world to help others hear the Gospel. God uses Steve’s work to keep our church family connected, enabling us to share in worship, find encouragement, and be equipped in the Word. What I first perceived as a threat turned out to be God’s invitation for me to serve Him and others in this pandemic.
I prayerfully entrusted my husband to God again…along with our health, and asked God to touch the souls who watch the live streams. I made light of my unrealistic expectation of having my hubby home and all to myself by playfully telling Steve that I consider him “essential,” too!
As I’ve battled fear during this time, Philippians 4:4-7 has been especially meaningful: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
The fear I experienced with Steve stepping into the world helped me better understand the tremendous sacrifices of healthcare workers and first responders, who look the Coronavirus in the eye. If you are a healthcare worker, first responder, or a family member of one of these heroes, THANK YOU for your sacrificial service!!! I seek to stay informed about the hardships you face and pray fervently for you.
While at home, I’ve enjoyed more time in the Word and writing for my blog. Before quarantine began, God in His perfect way, led me to return to the book of Philippians. Imagining myself sitting in the jail cell with Apostle Paul, pondering Christ’s cross and resurrection, and writing about anxiety, trials, and suffering has been good for my soul! It’s also been wonderful to see others blessed by the blogs.
My stepdaughter, Abby, has been with us for some of the quarantine. A high school senior this past year, her prom and graduation ceremony were postponed until July. Abby has taken this disruption in stride, but she deeply desires for the world to get back to normal. She’s excited about her first year of college and hopes it isn’t turned upside down by the Coronavirus.
At April’s end, Steve and I spontaneously added a cute puppy with personality plus to our family. We named her Macie because it fits her adorable face. “Macie” means “gift of the Lord.” She’s brought much love and furry fun to our home! Macie has separation anxiety, so we’re trying to prepare her for when I return to the office. With fur baby fast on my heels, there’s no room to feel lonely!
May
In early May, work turned bittersweet as our beloved Founder, Ravi, was moved to hospice care. Our staff grieved the coming loss together in daily prayer meetings and grief groups (via Zoom).
On May 18, Ravi met Jesus face-to-face, and undoubtedly heard, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23). Ravi has been called the greatest Christian apologist of the 21st century. He impacted hundreds of thousands of people around the world with a beautiful mix of the Gospel, intellect, prose, grace, respect, and kindness.
I had the privilege of attending Ravi’s memorial service, wearing a face mask and sitting social-distance style. Through the live-streamed service, a world of people grieved together and celebrated the power of the resurrection together! Such a hope-filled, life-giving, soul-empowering service to experience after battling fears and watching the world unravel! I thought I would be sitting in a pool of tears by the service’s end, but my tears were outnumbered by my “Amens”!
on YouTube or FB @RZIM.
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June
In the midst of Ravi’s passing, our nation’s cries rose against the horrific, racially-charged killings of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd (and many before them). I’m grateful that for several years, leaders at my church have been increasing awareness of racial injustices, participating in the One Race movement, and are leading our church family in advocating for positive change. Steve and I live in Atlanta, home to The Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for Nonviolent Change. Our time there was immensely informative and impactful.
Many church members (and friends) have shared with our predominantly white congregation about their experiences (and their children’s experiences) with racism as black Americans. I’m grateful for their bravery, vulnerability, honesty, and willingness to share. Despite the reprehensible nature of their stories, it’s a gift to have the opportunity to hear their stories, to hear their hearts, and to better understand their suffering. Steve and I are considering how to best support our friends…and fellow Americans. May we be as brave, bold, and gracious as they have been in sharing their sufferings with us.
“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” -1 Corinthians 12:2
Heavenly Father,
We praise You, for You are loving, peaceful, and faithful. You are our home, a safe place for our souls. Though the world unravels, Your Big Story moves forward! Open our eyes to see Your purposes in our suffering. Father, enlighten our minds to the depths of suffering Jesus endured to save us and reunite us with You. Set our heartbeats in rhythm with Yours. Open our ears to hear the sufferings of others. Fill our hearts with understanding, and lovingly compel our hearts to help bear the burdens of others.
Thank You that even in our darkest hour, there is intimate fellowship with Jesus and an eternity of sweet fellowship to come! In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen.
Questions to Ponder
- How has the Coronavirus proven to be a trial in your life?
- How have you experienced fellowship with Christ during quarantine?
- How have you experienced fellowship with fellow humans?
- What have you rejoiced over?
Tap here to read more Quarantine Diaries from Perimeter Church Women’s Ministry Blog.
