Sitting across the table from your date’s dreamy eyes and winning smile, you can’t help but wonder, Is he THE ONE? Is he the man I’m destined to fall in love with and marry?
There’s a mystery to solve.
Your mind ponders the possibility. Flooded with feelings of attraction, excitement, and hope, your heart pressures you for an answer. Every date is your opportunity to investigate and collect clues.
*How is a woman supposed to know when she’s in love when she’s never been in love?
Perhaps this question has stumped you, too. As a 25-year old, love was still a mystery to me. I had sat across the table from many guys, investigating love and was clueless about what clues to look for! Determined to find answers, I decided to talk to the experts—my married friends! I posed the question, “How do you know when you’re in love?”
Most responded, “You’ll just know.”
Seriously??? You‘re experiencing love—the theme of many women’s daydreams, of my daydreams—and that’s the BEST you can do??!!
I didn’t actually say that out loud to my friends, but my inner monologue screamed it. I asked more married friends about love, and they shared thoughtful responses. Here are my favorites:
- “You can accept his faults.”
- “You’ll know because you can be yourself around him, and he will appreciate you for who you are.”
- “Both of you will be willing to walk through difficult times together.”
I continued my search for answers and found myself at the source of love!
1—Look to God, the True Expert on love!
For some, it may seem obvious to look to God for answers about love. For those of us who didn’t grow up seeing Christ-centered marriages or hearing sermons about God’s design for marriage, we’re influenced by culture to view falling in love and getting married as a personal pursuit that has little to do with God. The Bible reveals that love begins with God!
“We love because he first loved us.” -1 John 4:19
1 John 4:8 says, “God is love.” God is the very definition of love!
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). God loves in the greatest way. He is the true expert on true love!
2—Remember: Love is God-sized.
As we think about love, we need to remind ourselves of the truths in Isaiah 55:8-9:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.“
God is love. God’s loving thoughts and ways are higher than our human eyes see, greater than our human minds conceive, and deeper than our human hearts feel. Love’s height, depth, and breadth of love surpasses our dreams because love is God-sized!
3—Learn the Love Verse.
In His Word, God thoughtfully included a definition of love consisting of adjectives and concepts familiar to us:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Apostle Paul penned this definition in his letter to the body of believers in Corinth. He taught them how to honor God and live peaceably with each other. Referred to as the “Love Verse,” this passage is helpful to learn because it applies to EVERY day of our lives!
4—Put Christ in Your Vision for Marriage.
When you picture marriage, what comes to mind?
Like love, marriage is God-sized. God envisions marriage like this:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” -Ephesians 5:25-27/NIV
“For we are members of his body. ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” –Ephesians 5:30-32/NIV
These words are part of Paul’s letter to the body of believers in Ephesus. It’s packed with truth on how to develop spiritual maturity. Though we can’t take a comprehensive look at marriage in this blog, we can catch a higher vision:
The marriage relationship is a one flesh connection—a bond so tight it reflects the relationship of Christ to the Church (the body of believers).
When we think of love between a man and a woman, we tend to think of romantic love, or eros love in the Greek language. It’s a love characterized by high emotion, physical attraction, and self-satisfaction. The love Paul describes in the marriage relationship is agape love, the deep love of God. It’s characterized by a concern for others’ well-being and delight in giving to others unconditionally. With agape love, the husband and wife seek to honor Christ and love one another as deeply as He loves.
5—Let Jesus lead you to love.
Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). Through our relationship with Jesus, we come to know the love of God.
The more we know Jesus, the more we experience true love. The more we know Jesus, the easier it becomes to recognize true love. The more we know Jesus, the deeper we love Him and love others.
Prayer
Dear God, I praise You for “You are Love” (1 John 4:8).
Thank You for going to great lengths to love me and to reveal the greatest love to me. “Greater love has no one than this, that {Jesus} lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Empower me through Your Spirit to walk closely with Jesus. May He lead me to love!
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are {Your} ways higher than {my} ways and {Your} thoughts {higher} than {my} thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9). When it comes to love and marriage, grant me understanding of Your love for Your Son, Your love for me, Your love for the Church, and Your vision for marriage. For the Glory of Your Name, teach me to recognize true love, to deeply love You, and to deeply love others. In Jesus’ Loving Name, Amen.
Click here for Part 2, where you’ll find practical steps and questions to help deepen your understanding of LOVE, evaluate your heart in dating relationships, and determine the depth of love in your relationships.
*Verses are ESV unless noted.
