How to Stop Stressing Over Singleness and Start Savoring It


A year ago, I went to see an award-winning movie that also won my heart. The impressive acting chops and serious chemistry of the lead actor and actress sold me on their love story within the first 30 minutes of the movie. I became hopelessly devoted to seeing this couple persevere through life’s stormy seasons and land in a good place. With the couple’s happily ever after within reach, circumstances suddenly spun out of control, and the man died.

Absolutely heart-wrenching.

I was NOT prepared for that. I fought HARD to hold back tears in the theater, but disappointment paired with sadness is a strong force. Once home, I cried so hard my eyes hurt. I have a love-hate relationship with that movie.

I don’t like it when a story doesn’t go the way I wish.

I don’t like it when I can’t control the circumstances…like that terrible, unnecessary ending.

I don’t like it when I miss out on something good…like a better ending to that story!   

Those “I don’t like it” statements pretty much describe how I felt as a 27-year-old woman who was STILL single! I had a love-hate relationship with singleness.

Reflection

* When it comes to being single, which statements can you relate to? Which statement is most difficult for you?

  • I don’t like it when my story doesn’t go the way I wish.
  • I don’t like not having control of my circumstances.
  • I don’t like missing out on something good.

In the last blog on singleness, we discovered the Bible holds this encouraging reminder throughout its pages:

God’s got this.

Because God wrote your story, He knows your story from beginning to end. God has gone before you, He has gone behind you, and He goes with you today. “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways” (Psalm 139:1-3).

“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (Psalm 139:15-16).

Your life rests in God’s sovereign hands. If you believe in Christ, this is a good thing. God knows you inside-out, and He goes all out to love you wider, deeper, higher, and longer than you can imagine (Ephesians 3:14-19)! “In him {you} live and move and have {your} being” (Acts 17:28a). “And we know that for those who love God all things works together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

The love you hope for—the love that godly marriages are made of—comes from God. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Here’s the part of all of this good truth that is hard to swallow: God’s got this, and not you.

God is in control. Hmmm. When it’s put that way, it doesn’t feel good, does it?

It didn’t feel good to me initially, but this truth ended up making a huge difference in my heart, thoughts, and life. Jesus encouraged His disciples to take Him at His Word, saying, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32). The truth God’s got this can set you free from stressing over singleness and empower you to actually savor this season of your life.

The following section will help you think through what it means for God to be in control of your love story. The section is inspired by a hard, head-to-heart talk I had with myself as I wrestled with the truth that God was in control of my not-yet-revealed love story and honestly reflected on my heart’s desires and motives.

When blogging, I typically use “we” statements because I see us journeying together on faith-filled paths, but here, I’ll use “you” statements because I believe it will be more helpful for you. Sometimes “you” statements can sound judgmental, but please know there is no judgement here. If a struggle of singleness mentioned below resonates with you, simply be encouraged that I struggled with it, too. Our Sovereign God set me free to enjoy my season of singleness, and He wants to free you to savor singleness, too!

God’s got this, and you don’t.

You can dream up a plan of how your love story should go, and you can resist God’s way of doing things, yet God’s Plan for you will always prevail. “The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9).

Eve resisted God’s way of doing things and held on to her own fruit-flavored plan. That didn’t go as she desired. Learn from her story. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

You can entice, manipulate, or pressure a man to love you and marry you, but true love is “patient and kind…does not insist on its own way…does rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in with the truth (1 Corinthians 13:4-6).

If you find yourself working for love and marriage, then you are not trusting God for love and marriage. A heart of genuine faith trusts what God has done and not what “self” has done. “It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

You can give the title “love” to attraction, infatuation, and premature love in hopes of bringing love to yourself on a faster timeline, but only God creates true, lasting love. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

You can settle for a lesser love, but only a God-given love compels a husband and wife to remain faithful to each other until death parts them and faithful to carrying out God’s marital vision: To reflect Christ’s love for His Bride, the Church, to a hurting world.

The Main Storyline

If you look beyond your not-yet-revealed love story, you’ll see a BIGGER story—God’s Story of His glory and redemptive love for His People. Time is even more precious in God’s BIG Story. In 2 Peter 3:9, we discover, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

God’s Glory is the main storyline in your life, now and forever! Singleness is simply your cue that, in this part of the BIG Story, God receives the most glory through you as a single woman than as a married woman. Don’t let your marital status hold you back from glorifying God and enjoying Him. Through Christ, God has given you everything you need for love, life, and godliness!

Let your wait become your worship of God.

“Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:10/NASB).

Because God’s got this, your wait can become your worship of Him!

As the struggles of singleness pressure you, press in to the One whose truth sets you free and whose BIG Story gives you a happily ever after!

As you wait for God to create love between you and a man, enjoy being loved by God, the truest love you’ll ever know!

As you wait for God to provide an earthly husband, anticipate the glorious return of Your Heavenly Bridegroom!

As you wait for your season of life to change, remember God’s loving patience towards you and how He’s changing your heart to be more like Him!

As you wait, walk in wonderment of all He’s given you, and share the blessings of knowing Him with the world!   

Father God,

I praise you for you are a sovereign story writer and the author of love.

Father, you know my heart. I long for my story to include falling in love and getting married. I pray that You would grant me true love with a godly man and a marriage that glorifies You. In the waiting, I pray that you would help me not to worry and to worship You well.

Sweet Father, You know my anxious heart. It’s hard not knowing how my love story will go. Please forgive me for being impatient when You’ve been so patient with me! Please forgive me for trying to earn love in my own efforts instead of trusting You with my love story.

I surrender my love story to You. I want Your Glory to be the main storyline in my life! When my heart starts to stress and my mind begins to entertain lies, draw me to Your truth which sets me free to walk in the wonderment of You!

The truth is…You wrote my love story for Your Glory—the greatest purpose in the world! My love story rests in Your hands—the best hands possible! True love is a gift from You—the source of love! Through Jesus, I know the greatest love possible on this side of Heaven, and Your love will carry me throughout eternity! You’ve given me a Heavenly Bridegroom and a happily ever after in Your BIG Story! You’re the Sovereign God of the Universe, and You’ve got this!

In Jesus’ Loving Name, Amen.

*Special thanks to my friend, Kate Keith, for the beautiful background images. Her FB page is Be Creative with Kate Keith. / **Verses are ESV unless noted.

>>>FYI: This blog is the follow-up to the blog, “What if marriage isn’t God’s Plan for you? Finding Peace and Purpose in the Waiting.” Click on title to read!

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